For most of my blog posts, I find myself scavenging the internet, wandering through blogs of women in ministry, trying to find inspiration. I read incredible story after story, and can’t help but ask God why I don’t get to experience moments like them. I’ve become obsessed with stories; I lie in wait for a good one, waiting around for God to speak to me through the written account of other people’s experiences.
Nothing is different about this blog post. I developed an entire page of quotes and ideas, concepts, connections, and object lessons all provided by strangers who’s personal lives I follow secretly from the safety of my computer screen (hey, they put it out there!). As I prayed for God to allow me to make something original, I was reminded of a quote from my favorite movie… I’m not sure what my audience demographic out here is, but hopefully most of you are familiar with the 90’s classic Never Been Kissed. Nearing the climax of this typical yet timeless chick flick, Drew Barrymore’s character, Josie Grosie Josie Geller says, “Somebody once said, to write well, you have to write what you know. Well, this is what I know…”
So what do I know? After spending two years at the most exciting and largest evangelical Christian university in the world, you would think I’d be able to make some strong self-evaluation or a cohesive statement of lessons learned. At this point, my OSL blog posts have revealed enough about my tendency to get lost in introspection, but I still have a hard time pulling out concrete conclusions.
Even though I’m a communications major, I often find myself struggling to communicate things clearly. This week, I went to lunch with the leader of my upcoming mission’s trip and two other girls from the team. My leader asked me, “What’s something about your life that’s different now than from before you knew Christ?” This isn’t a complicated question; it’s not even that hard, but I think I failed at properly answering. There are plenty of answers that would suffice, and I chose to talk about the difference in my friendships. When I was in high school, I constantly craved deeper relationships, but the more I pursued them in the wrong context, the less connected I felt. At Liberty, things are different. I am constantly blown away by the friendships I’ve developed, and I know that is because they are rooted in Christ. However, my answer came out in a way that worried our leader. He told me to be careful not to be so focused on the people, relationships, environment, and culture. Yes, it’s awesome to have Christian friends at Liberty, but what happens when I’m back in my home environment? Will I adapt to those changes by doing whatever it takes to find a connection?
I didn’t know how to take his observation. I was embarrassed. I immediately got defensive and explained that of course my friendships went deeper because of the outflow of my relationship with the Lord, and it’s been a journey to arrive here. My freshman year involved a limited number of friends as I started seeking after the Lord more on my own, and learned what I needed in my friendships. My leader responded with saying he didn’t doubt my heart (or my salvation), but just wanted to point out what could possibly be a hindrance.
I’ve been replaying that conversation a lot, realizing that what upset me most was that my answer was ambiguous. I look up to this him as a man strong in the Lord, and believe him able to see things with discerning spiritual eyes. I was disappointed with myself, that my response left him questioning Christ’s involvement. My pride was stirred and demanded, “Doesn’t he know that I’m spiritual? I mean, I’m an SLD for goodness sake! Doesn’t that say enough?”
The answer is no. Positions and titles don’t change anything. Being a Liberty student doesn’t mean anything. Tweeting scripture and hanging verses in my dorm room doesn’t make a difference.
His comment doesn’t make me doubt what the Lord has done in my life, because I know the change and sanctification that has taken place. I know that the difference goes beyond my friendships or environment… but this was a reminder to make sure that I’m living out that change as an overflow of the work in my heart. I love taking inventory of all the blessings that come from life in Christ, especially the ones that come in human forms. However, I never want to lose sight of the main thing. I don’t want to let the blessings distract me from the blesser. My relationship with the Lord isn’t defined in the body of Christ, but in Christ himself. My leader encouraged me to spend some quality, one-on-one fellowship time with God, without the distractions of other people. That time ended up being so sweet and humbling.
So often, I seek inspiration in the people around me, but God’s been reminding me that inspiration comes from Him alone. In closing, let’s address the elephant in the room, which is finals and summer fast approaching. I’m being challenged to keep Christ the center of my thoughts, keeping my eyes fixed on Him regardless of my environment. It’s something we can all remember, especially as our surroundings change for a season. I encourage you to reflect on the change the Lord has done in your life, and let that inspire you to keep your eyes fixed on Christ. Our situations change and our time is short, but He is outside of time and space, and remains the same.
-Lexie Dache
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